Wednesday, December 23, 2009

2010 Bucket List

get my g1(about time too)
watch all the english episodes of bleach, digimon(again), and sailor moon
watch every season of babylon 5 (1-5 and the movies)
hit the gym at least twice a week
better marks
pay the phone bill on time
get a new phone
get a PS3, XBox, Wii
go my pub more often
stop going to old navy(or get a job there)
get my ear pierced
have conversation with my brother that is at least 5 minutes in length
eat everything from the McDonalds menu at least once. including the breakfast menu
solve a rubix cube
gain 10 pounds
and go to a club at least once

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Maine (Also Known As the state who loves to hate.)

Normally I don't do this. my pieces are very light and trivial. you know me complaining, I mean sharing my views on my family and stuff. But as a gay person, no as a human being, what Maine did on Nov. 4, was WRONG. In case you are wondering about what I am ranting about let me give you a quick rundown (and if you know what I am talking about please correct me if I am wrong.)
So back in May 6, 2009, same sex marriage was allowed in Maine. It was law, allowed, whatever you wanna say. Same sex marriage and "heterosexual marriage" were the same. It was recognized and people were happy. Well not everyone but we will get to that later. So for those amazing 6 months gay couples in Maine could get married and live happily ever after. They had all the rights as "normal" married have. It was gonna be official on September 11 but on Sept, 2 we find out that it was put on hold so that the opponents could veto it. Long story short, the gay-hating, religious despots won. They believed that gay marriage was an abomination and threatened the structure of marriage and society itself. On Nov. 3, the law was repealed. Their domestic partnership law still remains in effect but that's just a consolation prize. Wouldn't be surprised if they took that away too.
Some people are saying they saw it coming, why are we so surprised. Why are we surprised?! Maine just became another state in America to say "Hey fags we don't like you, respect you and think you are second-class citizens. And guess what? Now we are legally allowed to treat you like one". (Excuse my language, I know some of you might've found the "F" word offensive.) That is why we are surprised. We are surprised that people are able to be treated like this. We are surprised that America "Land of the Free" aren't allowing homosexuals to be quite that free. Some of you might say we have come along way in the last 50+ years. To those people I say one thing: Not enough. Sure we made progress in many places. Canada for instance, where gay marriage is legal. Britan is pro-gay. Britan for godsake! I'm gonna cut this short because soon it's just going to be me swearing and telling people where to shove. My point is this cannot stand. As one of my favorite blogs, Gay Family Values, says "Apathy is killing us." If we just keep taking it and taking, soon we won't be able to anymore on account of us being dead. I'm not telling you guys you should go out there and burn churches, and start rioting and stuff. Instead begin by getting more informed. Read the news, blog, let people know how you feel. Do something, anything. And to all those people who think Maine is on the right path, this is for you.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

rant time: cooking

okay don't get me wrong i love to cook. Breakfast lunch or dinner, i enjoy it. Its fun and relaxing for me. but when people a) complain that its taking too long and b) complain that either the rice is too soft or too hard, or that its too oily or that the gravy is too thick than i start to get pissed off. I stops being fun and relaxing and starts being like work. only i don't get paid. If you don't like it, don't eat it simple. Its not like its hot zebra. that shit is nasty. even with hot pepper and we all know everything tastes better with hot pepper. even hot pepper. and this is how you know I'm tired, I'm talking about hot pepper. What next? Fringe?( Kickass show btw)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

It's your birthday so I know you want to ride out...

Sex. Everyone loves talking about it. Everyone loves doing it. Everyone loves it basically. Thing is how much is too much sex? And don't say when you get an STD, cause that doesn't count lol for some people having sex is like an addiction. hence the words "sex addict". they need to have it now and fast and hard and sweaty and all that. for those people too much is never enough. even when they get syphilis and ghanaria lol. others see sex as a means to procreate. you know the "scientists" who just want to make babies and populate the world. anyways there is another group: i call them "prudes" the whole sex is wrong, and its only right after marriage, etc. difference between them and "scientists" scientists still do it before marriage. lol but yeah back to my original thingy. personally i love sex. i like having it alot. not too too much and it has to be safe but yeah. So for me too much sex is when Paren Jr. cant perform or just hurts. thats TOO much. its too much when it start interfering with my life: social, work and otherwise. I'd rather be like the kind of person who says they can quit, and actually can, than the kind of person who says they can and ends up having consecutive orgies for 3 nights in a row. I'm just saying.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Movie of the day

ok so I have been putting this off for sometime, but it is finally here! Harry Potter 6! Imma make it quick. FYI SPOILER first of all it was all soo gud. I mean Harry, Ron and Hermione are all so grown up! Like they`re so mature-ish. I loved the beginning with the Death Eaters and all the smoke and flying and shit. Like honestly this is such a good way to show them, the smoke and weaving was amazing. Next, the part with Dumbledore and the whole teleporting thing (I know it is called something else but w/e) jks!. The whole love triangle between Ron, Lavender and Hermione was expertly pulled off. I loved the balance between playfulness and seriousness, like there is in really love situations. Dumbledore dying made me tear up, like for real. People actually cried it was so sad. Highlight of the movie: I have 2. Bellatrix was amazing I have already said this but did I mention that she is also going to be The Red Queen in the new Alice in Wonderland??? It is going to be amazing, even though its coming out in 2010, but w/e. Highlight 2 is the whole pincers thing, omg it was sooo funny. Lucky Harry reminded me of High Harry lol. Lowlight of the movie: pretty much the only thing I had to complain about was the fact that there was not many memories but oh well. Overall I give this movie 9 Cursed necklaces out of 10 Felix Felicis only because Bellatrix didn't get enough screen time :P

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

funny in a not so funny way

So here i was taking a nap for what I thought was going to be 1/2 hour when a security guy comes and wakes me up. Apparently i was there for about 1 hour. The funny thing is I cant be mad at him cause he was hot and cause he was sooo nice to me lol He kept asking me, if I was alrite if I was hungover, etc. It was pretty funny lol Unfortunately I am still tired. Oh well...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Like of the day

Helen Bonham Carter and Tom Felton. I saw Harry Potter 6. 'Nuff said. Except that Helen as Bellatrix was fucking BOMB like so amazing. I love her, I so want to see her in Sweeney Todd now even more. Tom Felton a.k.a Draco Malfoy a.k.a Mr. Sad and Lonely lol. I mean really throughout the whole move Draco just looks sad and lonely and brooding but he does it sooo badass. Plus he's just such a wounded, tragic, anti-hero. But I'm not gonna get into this rite now. Thats for my review. HP 6 kicked ass end of story.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Movie of the day

You all know what's coming
TRANSFORMERS. That movie was sick. TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN was like sex but without the foreplay, or regret. lol. But really it was soo good. First off, Optimus was badass killing that Demolishor dude was so cool. I mean I love seeing Optimus being more modern a.k.a killing prisoners. Sure it's a bit heavy handed (Bush)but still. Next, Bumblebee. Bumblebee is my favorite Autobot. He's a frigging Camaro. And it's yellow. SO cool. Fighting scenes were amazing too, even some people say it's all blurs and then sparks and then a robot on top. Not true. Now the actors. Shia LaBoeuf is one of my favorite young actors. Even Stevens, amazing. Even though it was Disney lol. But yeah I like him. I really like him even though he was arrested, but no biggie. Megan Fox. Wow. If I was bi I would so do her lol. But really I must admit she is pretty attractive not gonna lie. So to wrap this review up Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen was great, fun, and fan-fucking-tastic. I give it 11 Allsparks out of 10 Matrix of Leadership.
Yes, yes I know I'm a nerd.


Ducks. Or Birds in general. I don't like them they scare me. Like Terrify me. Never should have seen that movie...

like for the day

I'm adding chicken and beer as a fav of mine. What can I say, I'm feeling like Luda today.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Likes and Dislikes

OKAY. so keeping up with my friends have been difficult so blogging will help. This post should help.

Cereal- Oatmeal Crisp, Vanilla Yogurt one. Amazing. And those commercial are jokes, but never work.
Loafers a.k.a Grandpa Shoes- Colin Buckley turned me on them and they are so comfy!
COMICS- Marvel vs. DC, Marvel everyday. I will get into that later but for now let me just say one thing: Secret Invasion.
Timbits- Amazing things really. And apparently they make you gain weight but so far nadda.
Bagels- 'Nuff said.
Cheater- They never prosper. Especially in relationships.
Ackee- This nasty ass Jamaican fruit that can be cooked. makes me sick, literally.
People who don't have original ideas...*cough*Miroon*cough*-She's in my class. lol
Mango- It's slimy okay. and really really really stringy. and gets stuck in my teeth.
Babies- SOOOO cute. he's my hero. especially after the Perez incident.
Apples, pears, bananas- mmmmm. so good. and so healthy.
Velcro- hahahahahahaha. im so lazy.
Mike- even though he's a jerk. lol.
All i can say is that they are amazing lol
Teachers that don't teach- thats just pointless.
So there you go thats it so far. I will keep you guys up to date on more of my likes/dislike. Keep an eye out for Saara's response to my blog. It should be interesting haha

Sunday, July 12, 2009

So my friend (the loser she is) finally got a blog and she wants me to write something about it. All i can say is congratulations! She finally got out from under the rock! Lol. Anyways i just had a shower, and now i'm trying to figure out what to write...oh and Jess if your reading this THERE IS A SPIDER IN MY ROOM! hahaha freaked ya out didn't I? lol i really don't know what to write except good luck with your blog.and i hope it doesn't suck :P

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

sleep, swim party, 2 enagements and coming out ...all in 2 days

i have been meaning to post this for about a month but yeah lazy i know. this was from a few weeks ago so bear with me. Sleeping for 12 hours straight, which i loved btw was the highlight of this topic. so yeah. I am a complete mess right now. I keep telling my family and friends I'm fine but to be honest, I have no idea how I feel. This must be what shock feels like. I realize now that while what I did was not a mistake (and I will never say that) how i delivered it was. while doing my sisters hair, my cousin started talking about having children and stuff. Like if we would adopt or actually make babies. I said i would adopt and my cousin asked why and I told her the reason. I always get a perverse pleasure from peoples shock lol. She was so shocked, she still asks me if i still am gay, and i say yes yes and YES. So now comes the fun part. I found out that she got engaged and was a bit nervous about telling everybody. so i was like hey wanna do it together? Telling everybody that she is getting engaged and that I am gay. So we told my Aunt first(mistake 1 on my account). In my defense I thought my parents knew, but apparently just my dad did. Then at my aunt's place i told EVERYBODY(meaning about 10-15 people) them, which is my second mistake. Between then and now which is like a month i finally understand what "backlash" is. first came the talk with my parents. Basically my mom feels horrible because of how i told everyone and that I "think" I am gay. Hence, the denial. She really doesn't believe me which I am perfectly fine with, everyone deals with things differently. My dad now he is hard to figure out. He seems chill about it but like everyone else doesn't think i am, that it is just a "phase". After that came what I like to call "The Week of the Aunts". First came my aunt Del, the one who's house I "disgraced with my news". She pretty much told me it is wrong, that I should change and should do it because it is hurting her, destroying the family, and slowly killing my Mom. Other than destroying the family part, i agree with her. My mom even told me she wishes I wasn't gay because it hurts her. My aunt then goes on to start preaching the bible and saying why God put me on the Earth(to make babies. Literally her words.) She finishes it up by using my mom as an emotional weapon saying "We all still love you,but if you're gay we all, especially you mother, won't allow ourselves to love you TOO much." Pretty much she's saying I'm preventing them to love me to their fullest because I chose to be gay. My aunt really does not play around. She even starting crying. So long story short she asked me to think about it and change. and stupid me said sure i'll think about it -_- My other aunts, from Texas and New York, came down just to talk to me about it. Kinda jokes if you think about it. I really didn't know I was so popular. Aunt Shirley, from NY, pretty said it's wrong, and she doesn't agree with it. She still loves me(everyone says that, I get the point) but if she has to she will lock me in a cage, put a girl in there, and let nature do it's thing. No lie, exact words. Surprisingly, my Aunt Cynthia was mellow about it. She was just so meh about. I think it was the shock. But so far she seems to be the only not against me. That was some time at the beginning of June. Mid July and pretty much it's the same. Came out to a few people at school, including that jerk Mike(inside joke), and pretty much that that. So yeah i finally did this and its done. So yeah. endings arent my forte. Soooo THE END

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

prop 8

okay. so prop 8 was upheld. I am in Canada and it hurts. all the way over here. I mean fucking hell! when are people going to start treating everyone equally! its wrong. injustice anywhere is wrong but this is even more wrong because now people in California cannot get married. I feel so shitty. I am officially sick (if you say swine flu, i'll kill you. and not with my cough). work was boring and i just watched depfox's new video. they were there at the court house. bryan made my heart break. i reallly hate america rite now. like the whole idea of it makes me sick. God. Honestly in some aspects Canada really is one of the most amazing countries in the world. But w/e. I know a sad blog. I 'll try and make more 2moro. FML nite

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


in case your wondering what that means, it the soap opera "As the world turns". its really funny, because its so low budget lol that being said i'm obsessed with watching it on YouTube. They have this really really cool gay storyline and its soooo interesting. I mean gay ppl!!! plus they're pretty hot. noah is cuter tho lol
2 nites without sleep...dangerous! wait isnt that a song? lol

Thursday, May 14, 2009

8 am class should be illegal

ugh. ok so i just finished class like an hiur ago but still its way too fucking early. i know i sound like a little brat but its true. im just not used to getting up this early. on the brightside i had my first culture of photography class. I loved it! we get to work with black and white pics and i dunno they just seem amazing to me. i dunno im weird like that. i swear tim hortons is going to kill me. like their coffee is shit now. i got my fucking cold! lol
on more important note i am in some deep shit. i realized that i am actually seriously broke. i mean between my phone bill, my school books ( which is going to come up to say around 300 give or take, i hope its take lol), and running shoes i need for the gym, i wont have an money. and i really dont like asking for momey from my parents cuz they'll ask why, and make me squirm and make me feel tupid. plus times are hard so i feel kinda selfish. but w/e. oh and im finally planning on going to the gym at my skool! yay. planning on beefying up i mean i have the body, plus do some cardio. winter was nice to me i gained weight! if this seems weird that im happy let me explain. i weigh 150, 160 sopping wet with clothing. im not skinny or anorexic, i just dont gain weight. been like that since gr.9. lotta ppl hate me for it, well dont hate me but still its funny to rub in.
one last thing. i just realized sumthing about Sheridan. we have gay people, thats a given its an art school. thing is why is it like invisible, or underground. i tired soo hard to find our LGBT club and its like it doesnt exist. i got another number so imma try that on. but if not im going to the student help place cuz this is ridicoulous. but thats all. oh and i actually have a youtube channel. honestly i think youtube is one of the most powerful things in the world next to facebook of course lol but yeah seriously tho the one thing that really pisses me off is the fact that all the hot guys are str8 here. it annoying lool but w/e

Saturday, May 9, 2009

duma key

so stepthen king. persoanlly i think that he is the shit. i mean all his books are freakishly scary. sure they tend to be horror and sure he doesnt seem to be able change that but hey if it aint broken dont fix it lol. as you can see waking up at 6:30am and getting to skool for 9 after 2 weeks of litearlly being in hibernation has turned my brain to mush. yay me! my head hurts, eyes burning and i think my phone bill is going to be late. correction i am positive it will be. neways back to the book. so this guy gets into a construction accident and loses his right arm and most of his left brain. or was it right? i cant remember. anyways he pretty much loses his memory. words, things, ppl, etc. after a year or maybe 6 months (everything is fuzzy stupid sleep i want you back!)he got divorced after trying to choke his wife, and not rememembering. which sucks bigtime. imagine not rememebering doing anything and always being mad. be pretty scary. oh wow i am sooo dead like -500000000000000 beyond empty. anyways so he goes to this florida key/beach rite. and he starts painting. like really gud paintings. only his paintings show him stuff, and start to make things happen. like he knows who his daughter's fiance is before she tells him. he knows about his ex-wife's fuck buddies. and he knows that one of them is planning on killing themself. and all of this he paints,draws, sketchs,etc. then he starts doing more. he killed a murder-rapist by drawing him without a face. (that is pretty cool i must admit. that would be a sick super power.) and he first removed a bullet from his friends head (turns out he suffered the same brain injury that edgar did, the guy without the arm. he had a sorta telepathy thingy going on that was amplyfied by duma key just like edgars painting is.) by painting it and gave him back his sight, all by drawing it. thats pretty much as far as ive gotten but it is seriously amazing. this is more of me rambling becasue of lack of sleepp. and i just realized that this is labeled as saturday wen i actually did it on tuesday lool

Monday, April 27, 2009

ER,church,hotel party,desperate housewives and othrs.

sooo. day one of week of my 2 week hiatus lol. so imma try and make this in order. so first friday. omg i did amazing on my english presentation. that i started and pretty much did the day of. nextt i pretty much just read comics and pretty much did nothing. it was soooo fun. not to mention my aunt dorn cam over so yay. lol next, saturday i spent the whole day doing yard work (not fun) and cutting down tree limbs with a chainsaw (FUNNN). my aunt came with FOOD! that was like amazing. pound cake, banana and walnut cake. everything soo gud. so then i went a hotel party. now that wass interesting. i got there and its was soooo awkward. my bros (adam) friends and his sister was there, and it was kinda weird. but once we startedd doing shots and shit everything became much easier. handstands, never have i ever, and pizza were just a few things we did. i was drunk. i have no idea how i made it to church in one piece. my head was fine, thank god for small miracles lol. pretty much after that its been desperate housewives( love that show btw) E.R (meh)and getting physical. not funn. so my sister is bbeing a bitch rite now so i have to go. fml

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

2 weeks here i come!

YAYAYAYAYAYAY!i am offically done all my exams!!! now i only have to do that stupid english presentation and im done!!...for 2 weeks -_-. but still 2 weeks will be very nice. sex.and work. plus this means more posts!! yay! lol

Friday, April 17, 2009

done and 3 more left

i finished my english essay!!!!!!!!! its done and its crap but it shud give me a passing mark! yay! i feel like shit ND im delirious like wat but all i have is exams left! yippee. being sick sucks btw. on a good note adam my bff has finally realzied he is worth it and that he does deserve good things. finally. took him long enuff lol. i love him and to be honest i wanna hurt kyle for hurting him. ive said it b4 and i'll say it again. and he is rite about ppl being parts or puzzle pieces. we fit together so well that i dont think there are any other parts to be found. but thats my opinion me being the jacob in the relatioship. and we all know how that turned out, but who knows...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

english essay 153/1500

sooo i finished my social work foundations exam, sooo easy btw lol, and now ive been in commons for about 2 hours attempting to do my english essay, hence the name of the post lol. its not going well . i have 153 words out of 1500. sooo yeah. dreams suck. freud suck. im also still sick and soooo horny!! lmaooo. maybe 2moro. fml

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


ok so being sick isnt cool. you feel all icky and like shit and liek that alien egg is in your chest but not coming oit but just getting there and its just not cool. that combined with the fact that you have an exam 2moro in the morning that you havent studied for and an english essay that is 1500 words due on friday and you get a living hell on earth. sooo imma just try and fight it. but studying for a test is not goin to happen soo yeah. maybe i shud actually do some research for my english thingy. yeah that sound guud. fml. now im hungry. im going to eat. hahaa

Monday, April 13, 2009

easter monday/psych after 2 weeks

sooo. psych class is back on. yay! and for some strange reason that is evading me at the momment im actually in the middle of the of the room. its weird not being at the top lol. there is- no was- a littel girl in the class buut she left. she was soooo cute. and i cannot type 2day. and my head is killing me cuz of these glasses which kinfda suks because taking them off will make me blindd! muahaha srry brain still hasnt reset itself lol im soooooooooo hungry its making me madd. and hungry. existentialsism is deppressing. being thought of as just the sum of my parts? wow kinda mechanical dont ya think. god i can pay attention its tooo early to listen to anything its ridicoulous( excuse my spelling). im rly reallly realllly trying but its just not happening. wow listening to this would make me really sad if i could pay attention. if we're all feeling lonely then we're all lonely together which i cud prolly handle. it is really going in onee ear and out the other. its just not sticking. great now im tired and im pretty sure im going to get sick soon, everyone just keeps coughing and coughing and sneezing.ok so wow i thought i just lost this whole blog thingy but i didnt so im gud. yeah i know thiis is just pretty a bunch of random shit. sooo immma finish this up lol bye

Thursday, April 9, 2009

in the commons

soo im in the commons waiting for someone and hes not gonna come i dont think. so this kinda sucks. what i am going to do tho is play the word association game until my bus comes in...10 mins. so here it goes

closet-coming out
food-chow mein
jesus-cannibalism( dont ask lol)
mad-not me
and last but not least
adam-bro,dude, best friend. oh and eve too

not mad

im not mad. seriously. i just wish this wasnt happening you. i love him. hes like my brother. he IS my brother. but when he tlks like that. it scares me. he says hes weak.hes not. hes strong. he says he doesnt deserve my love and care. i think he deserves more, much more. but hes not listneing i wish he would understand you dont always have to look at the darkside of life. try and find light in it. i want to help him but i cant. i dont know wat to do when he talks like this. what am i suppose to say? "go ahead no one cares?" "do it. you'll be doing everyone a favour?" he can try and fool himself into thinking that but not me. thats bullshitt. i was up until 2am in the morning. and you know what? I WILL FUCKING DO IT AGAIN. i dont care if i have to stay awake all nite. i will help you. another thing. i dont him. i dont like him at all. hes hurting you. so forgive me if i sound a bit testy when you mention him. i know that this prolly not enuff but i dont carer im still going to do it. and im going to keep doing it. you are worth it. even if you dont believe so.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

back to white power.great

ok so now she is talking about white power. no wait bacck to homosexuality. fucckyy fucky. ok ok i understand that it good to have stats but really stop shoving it our face god. this is more about sharing personal stories and less about statistics. me personally dont care much for it. but this is just my pet peeve. like being a gay male all this talk is going over my head. like really come on. if someone wants to tell someone their gay thats their choice. if they dont ok. their scared. sure educating is good and all but you cant force it on them. if someone believes that being gay is a sin then you cant really force them to change that. to each their own. im not saying its right but im not saying that forcing people to change their religious views is right either. but whatever.


yaaaay!!! im done!! i started at 11:00am and finished at 2:45pm. it is 3 pages when it shud be 10 pages. sooo yeah its crap. buuut i dont care its done. lol. now we are talking about homosexuality. yay lol i sure hope dairai uses the race card. imma need it lol


ok so it's 1:51 and im making headway. unfortunately my abs are jumping or sumthing. this only only happens ive deduced when im stressed. and i am stressed. fyi the new PCD song is sickk lol fml

fml fml fml fml ommmmmmmmg!

ok ok ok ok ok. sooo its 11:30 my media assignment is due at 3:00 and im nowhere near done. my life is a mess rite now and gahh. fuck fuck fuck!!! whyu why why why!! i feel empty rite now. like numb. i dont feel. and i really hate. panic wud be great rite now but nope nothing. not even hunger. its really bad i prolly shud get it checked out. ok back to work now!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


soooo its 11:30 pm. the nite b4 the media assignment is due and what am i doing? not my media assignment! lol 11:31. instead im going to write a blog. and not any old blog. a blog about why im going to hand my assignment in late and still get gud (i hope) 11:32 one im black. my teacher is black. shes very pro black (she says shes just opinionated but we all know its a lie lol) i really am trying to do my assignment but its just not happening. 11:33. soo maybe dai can hook a brutha up lmaooo. eww that feels weird saying. 11:34. if not then plan b. 11:36. second. im soooo lovable and adorable its hard not to help me pass lool. i am going to be an optimsit and think happy thoughts. i think i can, i think i can, i think can...fml

quick thought

if you read my "unsent email" bit then yeah you're prolly saying wat? if not then plz dont rub it in and say "ive known" along. i kno it doesnt really matter but i pride myself on not being the typical gay guy. soo thanks. oh and if your mad then ok everyone has their own opinion. so there >_< lol

unsent email

this is a running which isnt really a email because i never actually sent it. its more like my way of journaling. i think i started 2 yrs ago? i dunno

listen and listen good you fuckers. i am sick and tired of your nagging and berating and allways putting me down. i am sick and tired of being called stupid and worthless and lazy. i dont like it when you always make feel like shit without actually saying the words that is the worst thing you can do understand. we need to get a few things straight: 1. i am nearly 18 years old so stop treating me like a fucking child understand. 2: i know i prolly am sounding like Dwayne and you know what i am tired of being compared to him. sure i might talk just like he did when he was my age aand act like him and all that but the difference is he wasted his life and his potential and blames all his troubles on everyone else. me i take responsibility for my action i let peole kno i fucked up and all that. and wha tdo you do when do that: you make me feel like shit. you nag= and tell me what do you expect, this wouldnt have happen if you just listened to me. i dont tell you shit you realize that. i dont show you report cards, i dont ask you for anything you know why? its not because i know you'll say no, because i kno you will, its because of how you will make me feel. when i want something i always hesitate because i can just hear your voices telling me all the things you've said. i swear if i get an ulcer it will be all your fault. another thing: i am sick and tired of being treated like im not responsible. i may not be responsible but i do respect you. because im not doing everything you ask me to do when you do it exactly how you dwant me to do it then im lazy disrespectful etc. no that is not true. i am jsut wanting to be my own person not a mini you. i am not blaming you guys for any problem s i have at the moment. my feeling of being overworked and pressured? that is my responsbilbe and my fault. if anything i am blaming you for being so mean, that is about all. its stupiud but i dont care. i should have talked to my principal about the reverned coming earlier, but i didnt. did i tell you? no because in your own twisted way you'd try and "help" i dont want you r fucking help. i do but i dont want all the nagging and remarks about my stupidity. i want your help aand i dont want top be cut thre fuck off anymore whern im talking ok? also you need to be more flexible and dont expect that just because we say not to do somethng ill listen. it sound s bad but its true. you r word is not law. you might think it is because your older and "wiser, with more experience you'll ever have" but that is not true. just because your older doent mean your god. it just means that you know somethings that i dont. not evrything just somethings. another thing u need to be moe trusting i dunno if if already said this but you guys need to be more trusting: i am not dwayne, i will not come home at 4:00 am and epect the door to be open. i will call and let you know im going to be staying out or watever. i dont plan on getting high anytime soon and ruin grades for the plain reasons that i dont like weed and that i have to work hard for things. you might feel like i am selling myself short but that is not how i feel. i need to start doing wat mom does live for herself because if i dont i will hate you all and be a bervous wreack. wat do you want me to do because it seems like that u dont like wat i like. whenever i ask questions like that it seems like you think im being disrespectful and sarcastic. NO! i just want an honest answer so here's the deal this is wat i want to do: i want to help people. it sound corny and very unoriginal and stupid but i dont care. this is wat i fucking want to do. social worker or child and youth worker doesnt matter to me but preferable social worker. i do not know evrything about so stop grilling me about it. i know somethings like that a social worker help people cope with difficulties. the people they help like children in foster homes, children's aid, children who have been abused, whetehr physicall, emotionally, or sexually. they also help people who are recovering addicts or alcholics, people getting out of mental hospitals or jails. that is all i really know is that they help people. and that is wat i want to do. so please stop pressuring me into an immediate answer about everything from waat i want to do in college to how many kids you want me to have. yes you because i dont want children or get married. i mean i love kids and ill help rasie them but the most ill do is become a foster parent or adopt, but i am not getting married. i have seen marriages and to be frank yours has put me off the whole idea. i feel overwhelmed and like the whole world is closing around me and you 2 arent helping. stop getting on my case about my face. it is my own face and i can do wat i want with it. stop telling me something is not possible because that just makes me angry. just because forr some people being out of school for 1 year means that it is going to be impossible to catch doesnt mean it applies to everyone all around the world just because you say so. dad u are such a fucking bastard all u can ever say is i told you so, i told u so. u even do that to kaari she's ur grand daughter!! i cant wait to tell u tha tim bi just to see ur face it should be fun. mom u need to give respect to get respect. fuck just becasue we dont jump when u say jump we're being disrespectful and bad. like really come on. im 18 now it is none of ur business who i tlk to and who my friends are.okay so ive being having sex with this guy and im not sure if its sex or if he wants a relationship i thing its just sex.but still why do i think about it so much.and then there's adam.adam who i havent met yet but feel as if ive known him all my life.hes my best best gay friend.i really like him but i ddunno wats going to im not bi im gay so there.well im in the commons doing homewrk (last minute again lol) so imma make this quick. i got myself a bf ron. i lost myself a bf cuz well it wasnt wrking and he wasnt my type and all. too fem, bitchy, and just well not my scene. its ugly at the moment (and him too i guess lol) but yeah. good news is me and adam are now like bffs. hes liek my bro, no scratch that he is my brother. im his jacob to his bella lmaoo. but yeah if your reading this adam hi :) lol i would do a wavy smilely but i cant cause i dont know how to lool. so yeah. oh and my sisters know (all of them extended plus lol) and im pretty sure my parents do too. i cant wait for THAT tlk, it shud be fun lol but yeah so im getting back to wrk...fml lol


some ppl hate that word. "help" it makes them feel weak, or indebted to someone. like if they do ask for help there is going to be a catch. others love it because it means you can exploit the person who needs, giving them conditional help, helping then only because it benefits you. personally i like the word help. its sobering. it makes me realize that im only human, not superhuman (as some would like you to believe). if i dont understand something, i dont feel stupid about it. i just ask for helpful. so what if it makes me look weak. so wat if it makes me look stupid. at the end of the day all that matters is me feeling gud about myself and the answer i got. when ppl ask me for helpful i dont hesitate to give it. if i dont understand then i try and find someone who does. i dont get caught up on "why are you asking me?" or "is this a joke you asking me for help" or "whats in it for me?" if someone is hurting, i try to make make them feel better. if someone is confused, i try and make them unconfused lol. it never always used to be like this. i used to never ask questions. i would just keep my mouth closed and suffer thru it. now i ask questions about everything. its like being a 4 yr old all over again. hahaha. it was wen i realized that NOT  asking questions was actually stupid that i started doing it. all i pretty have to say is dont be afraid to ask for help. and if you are ask me. because i wont judge you for it. i'll respect you even more. now excuse me while i go back to finishing this day/week of hell. fml lol

test. aka me procrastinating

this is a test blog. my first time. i shud be doing my journals not >_<