Tuesday, June 2, 2009

sleep, swim party, 2 enagements and coming out ...all in 2 days

i have been meaning to post this for about a month but yeah lazy i know. this was from a few weeks ago so bear with me. Sleeping for 12 hours straight, which i loved btw was the highlight of this topic. so yeah. I am a complete mess right now. I keep telling my family and friends I'm fine but to be honest, I have no idea how I feel. This must be what shock feels like. I realize now that while what I did was not a mistake (and I will never say that) how i delivered it was. while doing my sisters hair, my cousin started talking about having children and stuff. Like if we would adopt or actually make babies. I said i would adopt and my cousin asked why and I told her the reason. I always get a perverse pleasure from peoples shock lol. She was so shocked, she still asks me if i still am gay, and i say yes yes and YES. So now comes the fun part. I found out that she got engaged and was a bit nervous about telling everybody. so i was like hey wanna do it together? Telling everybody that she is getting engaged and that I am gay. So we told my Aunt first(mistake 1 on my account). In my defense I thought my parents knew, but apparently just my dad did. Then at my aunt's place i told EVERYBODY(meaning about 10-15 people) them, which is my second mistake. Between then and now which is like a month i finally understand what "backlash" is. first came the talk with my parents. Basically my mom feels horrible because of how i told everyone and that I "think" I am gay. Hence, the denial. She really doesn't believe me which I am perfectly fine with, everyone deals with things differently. My dad now he is hard to figure out. He seems chill about it but like everyone else doesn't think i am, that it is just a "phase". After that came what I like to call "The Week of the Aunts". First came my aunt Del, the one who's house I "disgraced with my news". She pretty much told me it is wrong, that I should change and should do it because it is hurting her, destroying the family, and slowly killing my Mom. Other than destroying the family part, i agree with her. My mom even told me she wishes I wasn't gay because it hurts her. My aunt then goes on to start preaching the bible and saying why God put me on the Earth(to make babies. Literally her words.) She finishes it up by using my mom as an emotional weapon saying "We all still love you,but if you're gay we all, especially you mother, won't allow ourselves to love you TOO much." Pretty much she's saying I'm preventing them to love me to their fullest because I chose to be gay. My aunt really does not play around. She even starting crying. So long story short she asked me to think about it and change. and stupid me said sure i'll think about it -_- My other aunts, from Texas and New York, came down just to talk to me about it. Kinda jokes if you think about it. I really didn't know I was so popular. Aunt Shirley, from NY, pretty said it's wrong, and she doesn't agree with it. She still loves me(everyone says that, I get the point) but if she has to she will lock me in a cage, put a girl in there, and let nature do it's thing. No lie, exact words. Surprisingly, my Aunt Cynthia was mellow about it. She was just so meh about. I think it was the shock. But so far she seems to be the only not against me. That was some time at the beginning of June. Mid July and pretty much it's the same. Came out to a few people at school, including that jerk Mike(inside joke), and pretty much that that. So yeah i finally did this and its done. So yeah. endings arent my forte. Soooo THE END